New Jokes

"I am not at all satisfied with the evidence against you,"said the magistrate to the prisoner on trial,"so I shall find you not guilty. You are discharged." " Oh, good," said the prisoner, " does that mean that I can keep the money?"

Pilot: Have you ever flown in a small plane before?Passenger: No, I have not.Pilot: Well, here is some chewing gum. It will help to keep your ears from popping.Pilot (after the plane landed): Did the gum help?Passenger: Yep. It worked fine. The only trouble is I can’t get the gum out of my ears.

Three medical students were discussing what specialties they were planning to go into when they finished school.One said, "I want to be a brain surgeon. That's the frontier, the cutting edge of medicine, where so many discoveries are being made."The second said, "I want to be a heart surgeon. There are so many people who need that kind of help; look at all the good I could do."The third said he wanted to be a dermatologist. When the others had finished laughing, they asked him why on earth he wanted to be a skin doctor."Listen," he replied. "Your patients never die, they never get well, and they never get you up at night."